Page Three - from the diary of a person who has had Weight Loss Surgery
Written in 2012
So, what's next on the "Preparing for Weight Loss Surgery" docet?
Here's my real life list of things to do before having my stomach amputated on April 2nd.
1. Find a support group
2. Call a therapist. Tell her EVERY. SINGLE. CRAZY. DETAIL. OF. MY. ENTIRE. LIFE. If I'm beyond help in this area, I should know it now.
3. Checkout Over Eaters Anonymous. I mean seriously, why not?
4. Stop allowing my brain to use the word 'disappointment'. I am NOT a ‘dis’appointment. Get a new ‘a’ppointment.
5. Continue to count it ALL loss for the sake of knowing Christ more.
And, you know what, my issues with weight HAVE opened the door for me to know Christ more (as any issue can). I have greater empathy for others. I can spot the outcast and draw them in in a heartbeat. Yes, I have passion for brownies, but that passion carries over to lots of other things in my life as well. Passion makes me a better mother, a better wife, a better musician, a better teacher, a non boring friend. Maybe, I'm more thankful than others for the richness life (rich food and rich relationships). I view my life as a miracle.
In the words of Andie Mitchell from Can You Stay for Dinner and in the spirit of staying positive, my weight has led me to develop a "sense of humor before a sense of entitlement." Like her I have "found spirit. Maybe because I was painfully aware of my size, I cultivated an awareness of all of my life. A deep knowing. A way of sensing and trusting and believing - in a way that others won't, or can't, know as well. Maybe I feel deeper."
For sure.
I believe God is and always has been working things for my good. I'll just keep on believing that. For my good. Even this.
Now, lastly on my agenda, and I didn't actually write this one down...
Tell someone "out there" that freedom from whatever that thing is -- that thing you believe has you. That thing you do or think that you really don't want to do or think -- FREEDOM may not come to you the exact way you've always imagined it would. Sometimes our imaginations work against us in fact. Believe that. THAT is truth. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9
I have wrongly believed that victory for me is possible in EVERY area -- except this one.
Knowing I've wrongly believed it hasn't helped me believe the right thing either. More work is needed.
More. Work. Is. Needed.
But maybe, what I'm hoping for anyways, admitting my need for real help...long term SERIOUS help -- EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IF THAT'S WHAT IS NECESSARY - sort of help -- is the real victory. It doesn't look like a size 7...but it already feels lighter none-the-less.
Deep breath.
Countdown to surgery, 5 days.
Everyone all of a sudden seems to have an opinion.
When I tell my fat friends of my decision to have bariatric surgery, they act as if I'm being too extreme. They feel uncomfortable with my decision. I get that.</div>
When I tell my skinny friends, they say they'd rather me do it the "right way".
I let that in one ear and out the other.
I am strong willed.
Occasionally, it works in my favor.
I've done the research, the praying, and had the conversations.
For. An. Entire. Year.
I've made my decision.
I feel excited about it -- and scared too.
I like a carefree self. A more rigid, skinny self makes me feel stressed.
It's a bucket list item between God and I sort of.
Not, of course to have weight loss surgery, but to be at a healthy weight -- to have a chance to WALK out freedom, even if it's hard.
In answer to my painfully honest question to a friend who is 6 years out from her surgery, "How will I know if I've succeeded or failed?"
She answered, "Shanna, you'll never be a success because you reach an assigned goal weight. You are a success because you decide that no matter what -- weight loss, regain, weight loss -- no matter what -- you are going to stay on this journey for the rest of your life."
Catch you on the flip side friends!
(NOTE: Cover photo 1 year post surgery)
Many blessings,
Shanna