My most recent therapy session
You want to know what self-care practice I REALLY love? Therapy.
Well…maybe I don’t “love” it all the time, but I certainly appreciate it all the time.
Each member of my family has had stints in therapy over the years. Three of us are actually tending to our souls in this way currently. Like their parents, our children have grown up to value a quiet space, where they can process through hard things, with someone trained to listen (cause maybe we are not always the best listeners at home). For a few years, we could not afford for all 7 of us to go to therapy, so we kept a therapist on “retainer” of sorts and rotated every few weeks/months which one of us got to go. It worked for us. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
This past week in therapy, I was able to sit without interruption and discuss things that were causing me anxiety, as well as an important relationship that feels wonky at the moment. We discussed how “healthy” relationships depended on both persons doing their “own work”. And, when one person refuses to do their work or doesn’t see the need, the next discussion to consider is having healthy “boundaries”. If you didn’t know, boundaries are hard.
We discussed the idea that more than one thing can be absolutely true. And, that if you sit with uncomfortable feelings long enough, they eventually pass (even if just momentarily).
Recently, I posted about milestones on instagram. We usually attribute them to childhood, but we actually continue to have them throughout our entire lives. In therapy, we discussed what has been a very significant milestone for me…going from “mom of 5 dependent children, trying to also manage a career” to “career mom of 4 grown children”. This shift has meant the following for me:
I now focus on my work, or professional development with the majority of my waking hours
Instead of focusing on the logistics of my children’s schedule/lives and their growth and development with the majority of my waking hours.
I now focus on work, and taking care of myself, then having relationships with my adult children
Instead of taking care of my children, then taking care of myself, then fitting work around all that.
I now have less time than I did when my children were little to care for myself, my husband, my home, and have relationships with my adult children etc. because of said career
Instead of being able to focus on family, and home (mostly) full-time
When I imagined this “season”, I imagined more energy, more time, more freedom. But the FACT is, since I want to show up and engage with the world via having a career in Orthotics and Prosthetics, this season is rich but exhausting. I have less time for other things…even “important” things. On days when I’ve seen multiple patients, and gotten in a 30 minute workout after work, and then don’t have the energy to engage in long phone conversation with one of my grown kids…my brain thinks, “Wait. That’s not right.”
But, it’s not wrong. It’s just a new season, and my feet (read: feelings) haven’t quite landed on solid ground/rhythms.
My therapist also reminded me that after work, and after caring for myself, I needed to prioritize relationship with my husband. And, by the way, I think I speak for both Billy and I that we are enjoying our relationship in a fresh new way during this season. So, today, in response to my therapy session, I booked us a little weekend vaca for December in a not-to-far-away town in Georgia that decorates itself all up for the holidays in all the quaint little ways. We choose the weekend of their Christmas Parade, and Tree Festival, and Christmas Craft Market…and plan to live like locals…at least for 48 hours.
See why therapy is important?
It can help unearth important markers on the path to a happy, healthier life.
It provides a safe (and necessary) place to discuss life’s challenges.
It is good to listen to an unbiased observation of your situation (without specific advice being given). Sometimes our brains need a new perspective to chew on.
And, therapy helps to continue the practice of doing “your work”.
What’s the best thing you can offer your spouse, your children (no matter their age), and those in community around you? The healthiest version of yourself possible.
Blessings,
Shanna